A journey of reincarnation;

I have found myself on a bizzare and yet familiar path into my own soul. Inward we march, course after course of theatre, dance, economics. I find within my body the innards of both a coward and a performer, who amazing have begun to hold hands. My emotions topple, my brain sloshing to and fro, palms sweaty with insecurity. I volunteer for exercises, rear my head, hide in corners. I have been playing characters, working hours, and sleeping minutes away. Modern dance conditioning molds my form into a pliable and at once astute statue during Performance classes. Techniques given in Acting for the Camera flow at once into acting courses, allowing for ease and transpiration. I am the face of the mysterious French woman whom Fornesatti once idealized into the faceless being. Thus, here are my sides:

I can see the future, but I've got nothing in my hands.

School is winding down, and with 93 hours out of the 120 that I need I am that much closer to graduation. I cannot believe that I have been in college for so long, almost four years. I am exhausted and have been pulling all-nighters and very early mornings to finish thesis papers and memorize monologues. I have a theatre showcase in early May, a great number of books to complete, and more than enough exams to last me the summer. Time to grip school with both hands and beat it like hell.

Gogi and I went to buy gardening soil and compost today. We built the planters two weeks ago but  I haven't been able to find time to actually get dirty. I have work in an hour, but I am going to attempt to at least get the seeds in the ground. Spring is such a time of renewal, but I always hold onto the past.

"In spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt."

UNIVERSE CITY

 School is chewing my time, but I still manage to graciously allot hours for hobbies. Gogi and I started on two big projects this last Friday, involving Egyptian Hieroglyphs and gold paint. It will all manifest into something you can actually wear, so keep an eye out! Our time together has been so productive and I can't wait to begin making money off of crafts. I essentially have three jobs at the moment, retail of sorts, slanging sushi, and artsy craftress. Which personality will prevail? Why not all three?!

I have a monologue performance in two hours, a date to sell some items, and then a much needed deep cleaning of my household. I have finally managed to save up enough for a decent trip to Ikea, meaning my books no longer have to sit in boxes collecting dust. I have also created a folder of wants and needs in my life, including everything from motorcycle-platforms via Dolce Vita, to a full set of symbolic encyclopedias and a world globe. We shall see how this shift runs its course! I am more than inspired, and so incredibly ready for the newest chapter that, I for once, am writing.

NYFW Tribute;

[ turban, chanel, capelet, handcrafted turquoise ]

I'm wishing that I was relishing in the hustle and bustle of the FW aftermath in New York rather than writing this five page thesis. Someone remind me that there is a light at the end of this educational tunnel?! I feel as if I might scream, this surely will be an all night-process. No sleep and a poorly written paper later, my weekend will start. I love college...

John Stuart Mill

My ethical analysis class has been touching not just on Plato, but on Utilitarianism and the good of one action for the whole versus the individual. I find these themes incredibly resonant with my current life, giving up simple things for myself in order to make others happy. I could argue that this is harmful to my own individuality, but I feel that through being considerate, I find more of myself. Key notes from my course:

"Humans in general prefer cultivation, but there are those who have never been exposed to it. If institutions risked teaching cultivation, every being would have the chance to experience cultivation. Beings would then, once subjected to it, prefer to cultivate themselves."

On John Stuart Mills:

"Opinions are put forward by people, and in all cases we would want to allow for dissenting opinions. Challenges of values and beliefs. “Prevailing opinions: knowing previous that the dissenting opinion is in fact false.” Mill says that should we know, we should still allow the opposition to come forward and present itself. Allows tolerance and a wholesome view. Both opinions can be practical, and through deliberation and discussion we can discover what is true and real. Logic. "

"The development of the individual allows for the constructing of a robust and greater social life. “The good of the whole.” The collection of great individuals come together to produce a decent society. Mill says that we must be careful, for if we see ourselves as whole, we can forget the value of the individual."

Overall, I realize that I must work on myself, and still remain a part of the whole. This rings true with current monetary trouble that I am having in particular. I must sacrifice now, for the things I will desire in the future. I need to function on a more work-based schedule, both on my own thoughts and cultivation and on pleasing my employers. A hard-working girl is a level-headed one!

Re-incarnation:

Current class notes that strike me as eloquent and wonderful: 

(Taken from Plato's Phaedrus:) Prophecy, poetry, music, love. We associate excellence of human endeavor with these things. They lead us beyond reason and sense. There are experiences of madness, but that doesn’t make them less worthwhile. There are areas of madness which fulfill the excellence of the pursuit. Love is not only lust, but something beautiful, interested in the good of the person rather than the delights of the person’s body. 

One should never prefer a friend over a lover, for love is excellent. One wouldn’t have a decent life without love or their lover. Friendship is necessary, yet not excellent. It is enjoyed, but should not be preferred to love.

We learn of passion, and beautiful bodies. We move from one to another, eventually becoming acquainted with beautiful souls and personalities. We eventually come to love the total human enterprise of “soul-making,” such as music, art, culture. Most excellent love wishes to extend the beauty of the soul forever. 

I'M STILL HERE!

GOOD AND PLENTY

Although my absence might suggest that I have run wild into the woods, I am here. I have been a bit of a hermit in the last weeks. With classes taking up the majority of my time, a second job of sorts (buying vintage of course), and my friendships or lack thereof. There is so little time to blog. I am however getting internet installed into my humble abode this thursday, so never fear. My silly little rants will continue with sparse pictures of black metal, fashion, and cats. 


I have already completed a full week for the Spring Semester of 2011. My classes are incredibly demanding, leaving me with up to three or four hours of reading and work per class to do in the evenings. I feel slightly overwhelmed/overwrought, but I will soon become accustomed to the lack of sleep and free time. I have already almost completely been acquainted with Plato and his Republic, Socrates and his life works, voice and diction exercises, the total collapse of America, and multiple shared impulse exercises in Performance. I am feeling so enlightened, while also burdened with the idea of retaining everything. I cannot fully grasp each concept before having to file it away to create room for more lessons.


I have been asked to walk the ever-terrifying catwalk at Fashion Freakout 4. It will be in just under two weeks, at a local venue here in Austin. One should jump for joy, but it is my stomach that is doing acrobatics. I am a meager 5. 1' and I am terrified of walking with such tall and well proportioned women! It is an honor however to even be given the opportunity, so you can bet that I have been strutting in front of mirrors for a few days now. More updates after my fitting today, which is in an hour. Laced with Romance has the most elegant rocker style I have ever come across, and I know the clothing alone will put me at ease. 

No rest for the wicked;

I am sicker than a dog, all in the last two weeks of my junior semester! Can't a girl get a break? I have close to 12 papers left, a full analysis of a play of my choice, a seven minute persuasive speech, and an integrated science exam. Yet, here I am. I don't have a voice to speak of, and I sound a bit like a smoker when I talk, incredibly raspy mind you. I am thinking that this weekend will be spent finishing papers in preparation for Thanksgiving rather than thrifting and re-selling my finds. No good!

In other news, I have registered for my Spring courses. Voice and Diction, Performance B, American Dilemmas, Ethics, and Theatre History II. Full load, and a a good chunk of change to take these classes. I am one step closer to having a useless college degree!

This week I purchased a great pair of Cole Haan ankle boots, barely worn, and perfectly brown for autumn! They were a whopping 36.00, compared to $298.00 that I have seen online. I have the ladies at Laced with Romance to thank for that! Also, a darling nineties lace romper of a dress. Pictures after I get rid of my ill-face.

There will be a reception tonight for the marriage of two great friends, at a local French restaurant I have been meaning to drop in on. I will drink in their honor and forget this cold if it is the death of me! More ramblings in a day or so, hang in there kids.

Intellectual Studies

I have managed to partake in the most ridiculous schedule the last two weeks. I wake up around 6:30am after having gone to bed around 1:00. I treat myself to a quick breakfast, drive 30 minutes to school, and proceed to study most days until around 5:00. I have given two speeches, one on Japanese food culture, and a eulogy for the late-great Patrick Swayze. I sew labels into garments for organizational purposes in my costume class, learn hemming basics, and how to thread/operate my machine. I have studied three plays thus far: Arthur Miller's All My Sons, and the Greek/Roman classics Antigone and Lysistrata. I am learning scientific theories, budgets, and the sad facts of ignorance that remains in this world. Overall, I am exhausted, but accomplished. There is little to no money to speak of, yet I seem to be scraping by. Bills are due in a week, how am I to pay?

I have a solid $1,000.00 toward my macbook. I still need to acquire enough for tax and then things will become a bit easier. I long to have financial comfort. what is it like to grocery shop on a whim? I cannot remember the last new article of clothing I bought myself. I am currently wearing hand-me-downs and a thrifted button-up that cost me $1.23 total. I am by no means materialistic, but my boots are wearing thin, and I need some winter denim! Nevertheless I will remain diligent.

Here are a few links to tease your brain;
Yes people really still believe this...
The Flat Earth Society

Also, this pseudoscience is practiced by Sylvester Stallone's mother!
Rumpology

Science class at it's best! Disproving theories and ridiculous "studies" one day at a time.

Dog Days

The weather here is terrible.Temperatures reaching over 100 every day. I am so drained after a solid six days spent on campus. I worked three long night shifts, and still found time to have a birthday lunch and dinner with friends/family. I rang in my tired evening with some cider and a small house show. I'm sure there will be pictures to follow. 21 doesn't feel much different, but it's all in the number. I cannot wait to be able to have a care-free glass of wine with dinner at a restaurant.

I got a $195.oo ticket for parking on campus without a permit yesterday. I now have to go to traffic court and appeal the charge. I am really just wanting to go home and sleep for hours on end, but I have an evening shift tonight and will be working until close to 11:00. Save me!

Wishing you all a great end to August, and hoping that the weather changes soon.

St Edwards!

School is insane! My courses are really challenging, something I have not felt for three years at a community college. I am enjoying every minute on campus, even when I am lost and wandering. I come early from the north side of town and somehow get great parking. I have Speech three mornings a week, followed by Costume/Makeup in which I have already learned to sew labels into costumes/surge material that I am working on. I bought a kit and have already begun getting extremely artsy with things I want to hem and sew at home. I'm finally learning something useful! Science is next, we are learning the basics of the first scientific studies and how they correlate with religion and art. Every professor has mentioned both Aristotle and Plato, linking every philosophical discovery to what I am currently studying. Play Analysis and Theatre History share the same professor, and I am looking forward to setting a good foundation for my major here. 15 textbooks in all, I have my hands full!

I have run into new and old friends on campus, which is both bizarre and interesting. Some people I have known since I first moved to Austin when I was 12, others that I left behind in Wimberley have made their way to the same college. It is truly a small world. I shared lunch with a multitude of ladies today, it was so great to enjoy company in the not so violent sun. We managed to receive a cold front! (Honestly the 7-8 degrees really makes a difference when we are used to temperatures like 105)

I am going to have to learn to balance all of this on top of 22 hour work weeks. Surely I can manage, and hopefully I won't run myself into the ground.

P.S. THE CAMPUS CAFETERIA IS GOURMET. WHAT?

In Perspective;

I cant believe that classes start tomorrow! It seems like just yesterday that I was worried about applying and even being accepted into a university! I am so nervous about my actual class schedule. Play analysis, Theatre History, Speech, Science in Review, and a Stage Makeup/Costume course. I am in class five days a week and have been given weekend work shifts. I am not particularly happy about this arrangement, but I suppose it will have to do for now. I better get going, I need to gather some supplies and get a good nights rest!

JULY JULY JULY;

This month has already held so much! I was accepted to St. Edwards University! Real college is actually pretty daunting. Wish me luck!

The wedding went smoothly, my two newest friends are now legally bound and enjoying every minute! I will have more than enough pictures once I get them developed.

The rain here has been atrocious, flooding and more thunder than I can stand really. My first three-day-weekend in a year is flying by, and I will have to make the most of it. The skies seem to have cleared today, but I won't hold my breath. Tropical storms can be a tricky thing.

I am hoping that we can bbq a bit this evening. The grill has been so good to us, and what a better meal on July 4th than G's homecooked hamburgers and grilled corn?

Wishful Wednesday;

I have been up since eight, attempting to gather my official college transcript from my previous school, my tax information, and my financial aid application for St. Edwards. I finished my admission essay two days ago, and am praying that I make the deadline (two weeks away!)
A great deal of pressure will be relieved in my life once I know what university I will attend come fall. I am tired of community college, its time for higher learning!

Things have been stressful lately, in both my relationship, my job, and my mind. I felt at fault for alot of the problems occurring, and finally, out of exhaustion decided to stop caring. My relationship has been strong for two years, why doubt now? My place of employment has always been dear to me, and I simply need to reinvent the way I approach my duties. Waitressing is a tiring job, but each day can be seen as something new I suppose. I haven't been writing much, come to think of it, I haven't put a ink to paper in close to a month now. I will have to allow time for this! My writing will no doubt end up here sooner than later, then you can judge my silly mind.

I am wishing for a calm yet productive Wednesday. Time for work, 29 blocks North.